"Trust is built with consistency" - Lincoln Chafee. [Click to share on Linkedin]
The two most important skills in your leadership toolbox are your ability to:
Nils invested 120 hours in a coach training program and has over 200 hours of practical coaching experience. We're going to condense 320 hours of experience into a single chapter. First, let's dig into why listening is such an important skill:
Your team will trust you. When you only have 'status update' level conversations, expect your team to check out and disengage. When you listen deeply to what each person says and learn to uncover the meaning behind their message, you'll discover what motivates and inspires them. Your people have hopes, fears, and dreams - and as a leader, you can only uncover them by genuinely listening.
You will change people's lives. Think back to a time when someone listened to what you said and asked an important question that stopped you in your tracks. In life, these conversations are rare, and they can change the course of your life. You can have a life-changing influence on a person by thoughtfully applying these methods.
You will create a ripple effect. Your team members will mirror your behavior without realizing it. By working with us, our clients subconsciously learn how to rephrase, backtrack, mirror and ask compelling questions. One client even started to call this 'doing the Nils.'
The concept of becoming a great listener might seem a bit easy. You sit down with a team member; they talk, and you pay attention, right? Wrong. Deep listening requires awareness, focus and practice. First, let's look at the three rules of listening.
It's not about you - it's all about them. Have you ever played verbal ping-pong? You say something and the person you're talking to is bursting to get their thoughts out. The conversation goes back and forward, but no-one listens. Neither of you enjoys the conversation, and you talk over each other.
There's no connection and no trust. Compare this verbal ping-pong with a conversation where your partner gives you their undivided attention. You are locked in. They ask you thoughtful questions and prompt you to share more, without trying to solve anything or jump ahead. The conversation is energizing because they have given you the gift of their undivided attention.
You can never truly understand where someone else's world is. In Customer Success, we're Built to Serve, so we feel like we should 'walk a mile in their shoes' and we're paid to solve people's problems. Let's look at how this rule works in practice. If you can't understand where someone else is coming from, you have to listen at a very deep level just to get on the same page. This approach frees you from the judgments, expectations, and biases that cloud your focus.
You don't have the answers. This rule is the most counterintuitive of all. As a leader, you feel like you should give the answers. Your team needs fast solutions to their problems. They need your guidance, help, and support. You were put in charge because you know how to do everything. Although experience is important for leaders, it works against you. By accepting that you don't have the answers, you can only bring your open mind and powerful questions, even if you think you have the answers. When your team member finds their answer, your conversations are 10x more impactful.
Now we've been through the rules of listening, let's dive into how to listen.