"I never learn anything talking. I only learn things when I ask questions." - Lou Holtz. [Click to share on Linkedin]

A powerful question is a pattern breaker. Here is a simple example.

When someone asks you "How's it going today?", how do you respond? 99% of the time, you'll answer with something canned, like "Good!" Your answer is automatic. But, when you get a follow-up question like "What is it about today that makes it good?" you don't have an automatic response. You need to think about what to say. You take a pause. Your pattern is interrupted. You might even say "I don't know…"

Our brains are wired to replay patterns, like a computer program running the same script, over and over again. These patterns come from our beliefs, experiences, the people we spend time with and our employers. These patterns influence the way we do things and how we communicate. In the example above, your pattern is to say 'good,' conserve energy and move on.

We have patterned responses to just about everything in life. For example, if I ask you what you think about money, your reply will likely be the same today as it was six months or three years ago. Whether you think money is scarce or plentiful, it doesn't matter. Your pattern drives your response. The key is that your customers and Customer Success Managers also have patterns. When you find the pattern and break it, you start to build a more authentic relationship. People will remember you when you help them think differently.

If you've ever experienced therapy or put yourself through a self-improvement program for even an hour or two, you'll have experienced the fatigue that comes with breaking patterns. Analyzing what you've been doing and where you're going is exhausting work that creates new connections. You could be sitting in a therapist's chair for an hour and feel completely wiped out, ready to take a nap.

The good news is that you don't need to be a master negotiator to ask powerful questions. We'll provide specific examples at the end of this chapter so you can start asking powerful questions today.