RULE #6: Upgrade your communication.

"THE SINGLE BIGGEST PROBLEM IN COMMUNICATION IS
THE ILLUSION THAT IT HAS TAKEN PLACE."

- GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

I promise not to bore you with anything along the lines of eye contact or posture, but we do need to talk about the best ways to communicate. Now, let's define the word communication. Communication is the process of transferring signals and messages between a sender and receiver through various methods. It's also the mechanism we use to establish and modify relationships.

Communication is a two-way process; that means you not only need to send your message clearly, but you need to understand the messages of the person with whom you're speaking. The goal of networking and building relationships is to help people. To do so, you must understand their needs first. The research you did on the conference speakers and attendees makes this task much easier, but let's talk about how to get the most out of your interactions in a face-to-face setting.

Have you heard of the rule of 55-38-7? Albert Mehrabian, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at UCLA, studied verbal and nonverbal messages in communication. He theorized that the impact of any interaction is 55% visual, 38% sound (as in tone or speed of voice), and only 7% what you actually say. This means the way you present yourself visually has more of an impact than the actual words you say.

Giving the impression of confidence starts with a visual impression. A great way to accomplish this is by wearing something that is unique, but also comfortable for you. Practice standing with your arms open, hands relaxed at your side, knees flexed, and feet about 8-10 inches apart. Our hard-wiring leads us to subconsciously trust symmetry; when you stand this way, you're presenting a symmetrical figure. The more you practice this, the more natural it will feel. You'll be sending a message that you're approachable, open, and trustworthy in a conference setting.

In How To Talk To Anyone, Leil Lowndes discusses what to do when you first meet someone. Treat them like an old friend. Make them feel like the only person in the room and give them your undivided attention. Something to keep in mind with first impressions: try to be as positive as possible. Use the words you, we, us, and our whenever it is appropriate. When used consistently, these words will make you both feel like you're working together and are already friends. Also, make sure to not point out someone's bloopers. If the person you're talking with says something weird, misspeaks, or anything of that nature, act as if nothing happened and keep talking like a true friend.

Your goal is to establish and continue to build relationships, which means you need to get to know the other person on a deeper level. Without making a human connection with them, your message will not have the same level of power. The simplest way to do this? Practice asking open-ended questions to get the other person talking. For example, you wouldn't want to ask, "How do you like the conference so far?" That's a fairly closed question with an easy answer. It just doesn't invite conversation, and you learn little about them from their answer. People tend to remember a conversation as a good one if they get to talk about themselves, so let them. Remember to really listen to the other person when they are speaking. Ask follow-up questions, and maybe even take some notes. If you choose to take notes, don't feel weird about it. All you have to do is let the person know that you are really interested in what they are saying and you want to make sure you don't miss anything. To help you listen to the best of your ability remember that the word "LISTEN" rearranged is "SILENT."

To help you further build credibility with someone you've just met, let them know of other attendees they should meet. If you're able to do this during your first interaction with them, you'll demonstrate you were listening very intently.

People also love to hear nice things said about them. Take every opportunity to compliment someone you've met, whether directly or indirectly. Even if you're complimenting someone who's left the conversation, it may get back to them. At the same time, the new group you're talking to will take notice of your generosity. Everyone loves compliments; if they overhear you singing their praises, their trust in you will grow, and your relationship will be off to a great start.