Life as a single person offers many rewards, including learning how to build a healthy relationship with yourself. However, if you're ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting, worthwhile relationship, life as a single person can also be very frustrating.
Finding the right romantic partner is often a difficult journey, for several reasons. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, healthy relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists only of short, abrupt relationships where you or your partner gets bored too soon, and you don't know how to make a relationship last. You could be attracted to the wrong type of person or keep making the same bad choices over and over, due to an unresolved issue from your past. It's also possible you're not putting yourself in the best environments to meet the right person, or that when you do, you don't feel confident enough to approach someone. Whatever the case may be, it's important to believe that a healthy romantic relationship for you exists in the future.
It's also important to recognize that relationships are never perfect and always require lots of work, compromise, and a willingness to resolve conflict in a positive way. To find and build any relationship worth keeping, you may need to start by re-assessing some of your misconceptions about dating and relationships that can prevent you from finding lasting love:
| Myth | Reality |
| "I can only be happy and fulfilled if I'm in a
relationship." or "It's better to have a bad relationship than no
relationship." |
While there are health benefits that come with being in a
healthy relationship, many people can be just as happy and
fulfilled without being part of a couple. Despite the stigma in
some social circles that accompanies being single, it's important
not to enter a relationship just to "fit in." Being alone and being
lonely are not the same thing. Nothing is as unhealthy and
dispiriting as being in a bad relationship. |
| "If I don't feel an instant attraction to someone, it's
not a relationship worth pursuing." |
This is an important myth to dispel, especially if you have a
history of making inappropriate choices. Instant sexual attraction
and lasting love do not necessarily go hand-in-hand. Emotions can
change and deepen over time, and friends sometimes become lovers-if
you give those relationships a chance to develop. |
| "Women have different emotions than
men." |
Women and men feel similar things but sometimes express their
feelings differently, often according to society's conventions. But
both men and women experience the same core emotions such as
sadness, anger, fear, and joy. |
| "True love is constant." or "Physical attraction fades
over time." |
Love is rarely static, but that doesn't mean love or physical
attraction is doomed to fade over time. As we age, both men and
women have fewer sexual hormones but emotion often influences
passion more than hormones, and sexual passion can become stronger
over time. |
| "I'll be able to change the things I don't like about
someone." |
You can't change anyone. People only change if and when they
want to change. |
| "I didn't feel close to my parents, so intimacy is
always going to be uncomfortable for me." |
It's never too late to change any pattern of behavior. Over
time, and with enough effort, you can change the way you think,
feel, and act. |
| "Disagreements always create problems in a relationship." | Conflict doesn't have to be negative or destructive. With the
right resolution skills, conflict can also be an opportunity for
growth in a relationship. |