About the Author: Serena currently works in finance and resides in New York, where she moved after graduating from Northwestern University.
With Valentine's Day rapidly approaching, every website seems to be publishing an obligatory gift guide. These articles-laundry lists of gifts likely viewed by thousands of people-are one of my personal pet peeves. While the lists may help avoid a massive flop on the present-giving front by ensuring your gift is socially acceptable, it's highly unlikely anything off that extremely generic list will set your sweetie's heart aflutter.
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Focus On the Person, Not the Present
Too often, gift givers focus on the present itself. They start by asking what a good present for a girlfriend/boyfriend is rather than how a specific gift could create happiness for their partner. Not to get too theoretical on you here, but presents are all about context. A spa weekend could be the perfect present for one girlfriend, while another gal may have been secretly hoping for a series of bootcamp classes. Take a step back and really think about the person…not the present.
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Buying Away the Guilt
Today I'm going to share with you one of a method for winning the Best Gift Oscar: buying away the guilt.
One of my favorite books, The Happiness Project, argues that a large part of our unhappiness comes from cognitive dissonance-believing we should act in one way, but ultimately acting in another. The tension between what we think we should do versus what we actually do makes us feel guilty…and unhappy.
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Putting the Method to Work
For example, each time I take a taxi to work rather than the subway, I spend the ten minutes en route to my office beating myself up about the unnecessary $12 expense. For my friend Eric, it's his fondness for high-end wines that causes him consternation. We all have our weak spots, but the beauty of a well thought-out present is that you can buy your significant other's guilt away for a month or two or more (depending on your budget).
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Think back to the last time you heard your love say, "I know I shouldn't be spending money on this, but…" and use that as a springboard for a meaningful present idea. No, it may not sound "sexy" at first, but remember - presents are all about context. For me, getting a note from the guy I was dating which read: "Happy birthday! For the next month your mornings will start with a smile because cabs to work are on me. Girls like you deserve the luxury!" was better than any expensive candle, perfume or other "gift-guide approved" present. It was a gift that kept on giving, too. Every morning for the next month, I hit the snooze button and thanked my man for an extra twenty minutes of guilt-free sleep.
Bottom line, think of where your sweetie guiltily spends a their hard-earned cash. Maybe it's a weakness for On-Demand movies on Sunday nights or a hair salon they can't really afford. Then turn their guilty pleasure into a guiltless one for however long you can afford. And if you can't think of anything to fit the bill… try to get to know your significant other a bit more significantly.