Working with clients doubles the number of human minds in any situation. All of a sudden you have to communicate with them and manage them, and be professional, and everything else that you can think of. All at once. These are relationships pregnant with emotion, yet governed by the cold hard reality of contracts, payments, and deliverables. It's a world of chaos and friction.

When you're starting out as a freelancer your goal is very simple: earn more money so that you can eventually take your job full time. You need to make money. You want it, and the clients have it. Thankfully, you have something to offer in exchange for their money: your professional services. So it might seem very obvious that each and every client is as important as the last, and that you should take all the projects that come your way all the time.

That's a lie, though. Not only is it false, but it is a dangerous road to walk, because if you take on every client who comes knocking on your door, at some point you will regret that decision. Some clients just aren't meant for you. You have differing values or conflicting personalities. These clients might be perfect for another freelancer, but they aren't right for you. These are the ones to whom you must say, "no."

More Money, More Problems

Let's say you decide to go into a grocery store and buy every pack of soda they have in stock. You walk away (or drive away, more like it) with everything they have. Every possible option has been obtained.

Now you have the freedom to run home and try it all. The reality is that you are not going to like all of it, though. In fact, you'll hate some of it. There might even be a flavor or two that give you an upset stomach. Ever try Moxie? Yeah, I thought so.

Clients are like soda. Some will be a great match. Most of them, actually, but there are going to be some that are not a good fit. While the money might be good, you have to make the decision about whether the money is worth the stress that will come with a bad match. I can tell you from experience that it is definitely not worth it.

Unfortunately, the only way you can learn to sense these bad fits when they come looking for your services is through experience. You're going to have to hit a few walls before you start to see the patterns and learn which signs to look out for. This is part of the frictionless process: observe, reflect, and experiment.

Reflecting on past mistakes allows you to be proactive in preventing future ones. That's why I always perform an autopsy.

The Autopsy

When you get through with a rough client relationship, you need to step back and observe. Perform an autopsy on the project. What went wrong? What could you have done differently? What did you allow that you shouldn't next time? Ask questions that dig at the heart of the frustration, stress, and trials you experienced.

Every failed client project is my fault, whether it was really my actions that led to the failure or not. I know that sounds defeatist, but it's the only attitude you can have if you wish to learn from experiences with the people who hire you. Your decisions lead to a stressful client relationship, either through a professional mistake (something really, truly your own fault) or by failing to say no to the client (your fault for failing to see the inevitable).

A big step on the path to becoming a successful freelancer is to develop that instinctive warning system to alert you to the clients you should politely decline. The postmortems that you perform on frustrating client relationships will teach you about the symptoms you can look for next time.

I have found that the projects that brought me the most frustration and stress in the past all began with a client reaching out to me with a half-hearted request. They don't know their budget or the problem they needed to have solved or even how my profession works. They've simply been told by someone else that they should hire a designer, then they found me and decided to "kick the tires".

Most of these are stopped by my pricing and process. Real numbers, a real contract, and real responsibilities for both parties often turn away the tire kickers. Not all, but most. There will always be a few potential clients who push forward and continue to play along, even though they still have no idea what they really need from me.

Learn to spot these clients before they sign on. Then walk away politely.

The Ideal Client

My personal philosophy is that a client purchases their right to offer feedback on my work with the currency of detailed direction. If they offer me incredibly detailed artistic direction, they can pick my work apart. However, if they provide very little to work with, they should have very little ground to complain. That's an awkward conversation to have with a client, though, and I'll admit that it's also very passive-aggressive. Instead, I've learned to just recognize that lack of guidance and direction at the beginning and say, "No," before the project becomes official.

If you can master this kind of attention to the quality of your incoming prospective clients, you'll have a skill that can one day morph into something even more powerful: a healthy, clear vision of who your ideal client is.

It will save you so much heartache and frustration down the road if you can clearly lay out a description of your ideal client now. Sure, when you let the money talk, every one of them is "ideal." I'm talking about the business version of your dream date, your soul mate, or a "match made in heaven".

Take out a piece of paper or an index card and jot down everything you would love to find in a client. What are the qualities and behaviors of your ideal client? What kind of relationship would you like to have with that person? What type of work do they have for you? What is their budget or level of vision for the project? The characteristics that you need to write down are the ones that would alleviate stress and friction in the future.

Knowing whom you would love to say "yes" to makes it infinitely easier to say "no" to the rest. You want the money, I know. But you don't want the stress, trust me. Learn to spot the clients you shouldn't be working with, before you work with them, and just say, "No."