If you can part with this guide for a few days - hard I know - pass this section off to the best man and maid of honor to read. Or you can read it yourself and bug them with the information. I might suggest the second one, actually. I'm all about annoying other people with knowledge.

It should be required, and I say this with a touch of humor, that all best men and maids of honor complete a crash course on giving the toasts. Ladies and gentlemen, this part of the reception causes guests to grumble and moan and ask for extra champagne in anticipation, because they know that while a toast can be very entertaining or heartfelt, it's most likely going to be really long.

So I'm here to help, to remind the toast givers that they need not feel pressure to regale the guests with an epic poem with the likes of Iliad proportions, but to show the people you love that you care.

And in doing so, avoid the convoluted mess of receptions past.

Below is the definition of a toast:

1. A call to a gathering of people to raise their glasses and drink together in honor of a person or thing.
2. Drink to the health or in honor of someone or something by raising one's glass together with others.
3. A tribute or proposal of health, success, etc., given to a person or thing by a company of people and marked by raising glasses and drinking together.
4. A few words of welcome, congratulations, etc.
5. Toasted bread.

What a toast should be:

• Well wishing
• Giving advice
• A little anecdotal
• Golden brown

What the toast has become:

• Long winded
• A life story of the person being toasted
• Full of inside jokes a few select people get but the other guests don't understand
• Full of bar ditties

So, how can your maid of honor and best man give the best toast of the century?

• Keep it focused. People did not come to the wedding to hear about all the inside jokes the best man has with the groom. They're there to support the new couple as they start their marriage. They want to toast to the newlyweds' happiness, not zone out as he shares the life stories that they don't understand.
• Keep it short. If you like time limits like me - I'm one of those people who needs a rubric for everything - keep it no more than two minutes for each toaster. The more you ramble, the more the guests lose focus, and the more they miss what you said.
• Keep it about the newlyweds. I've been to a wedding or two where the best man or maid of honor spent more time talking about themselves than about the most important people there. Let the bride and groom's day be about them.
• Keep it practiced. I'm a bad rambler when I don't prepare my thoughts ahead of time. Get your thoughts together beforehand and practice what you want to say. If you know you'll be too nervous to remember everything, write it down.
• •Keep it light-hearted. The day is a happy one!

For the bride and groom:

Ultimately, your attendants will say what they want during their toasts. So don't stress about it - just enjoy your day.

What else can the toaster do?

• Make it funny. Guests love a laugh, so long as it's appropriate.
• Make it personal. While the toast isn't about the maid of honor, it is from her, and it should be heartfelt.
• Give advice. Nothing big necessarily, but something lighthearted along the lines of "keep your spouse first before yourself," is welcome and a good reminder to all attending.
• Don't let the number of toasts get out of hand. The entire wedding party does not need to wish for your good health-the reception would never end!

So, no anecdotes?

Guests do enjoy learning a little more about the guests of honor. But limit your stories, keep them short (share only one), and pertain them to the wedding (no inside jokes!)

Now since I've completely insulted everyone by tearing down all the preparation and inspiration they had, the least I can do is provide a little inspiration of my own.