If you talk to your friends about starting a new habit, they might tell you that you need to exercise self-control or that you need to find a new dose of willpower.

I disagree.

Getting motivated and trying to remember to do a new behavior is the exact wrong way to go about it. If you think about this, it makes sense. Sometimes you feel motivated and sometimes you don't, right? So why would you want to rely on motivation (something that changes) to create a new habit (something that you want to be consistent)?

This is why the reminder - the trigger for your new behavior - is such a critical part of forming new habits. A good reminder makes it easier for you to start your habit by encoding your new behavior in something that you already do, rather than relying on getting motivated.

For example, I created a new habit of flossing each day by always doing it after brushing my teeth. The act of brushing my teeth was something that I already did and it acted as the trigger or cue to do my new behavior.

To make things even easier and prevent myself from having to remember to floss, I bought a bowl, placed it next to my toothbrush, and put a handful of pre-made flossers in it. Now I see the floss every time I reach for my toothbrush.

Setting up a visible reminder and linking my new habit with a current behavior made it much easier to change. No need to be motivated. No need to remember.

How to Choose Your Reminder

It doesn't matter if it's working out or eating healthy or creating art, you can't expect yourself to magically stick to a new habit without setting up a system that makes it easier to start. And for that reason, picking the correct reminder for your new habit is the first step to making change easier.

The reminder that you choose to initiate your new behavior is specific to your life and the habit that you're trying to create.

The best way I know to discover a good reminder for your new habit is to write down two lists. In the first list, write down the things that you do each day without fail.

For example...

• Get in the shower.
• Put your shoes on.
• Brush your teeth.
• Flush the toilet.
• Sit down for dinner.
• Turn the lights off.
• Get into bed. You'll often find that many of these items are daily health habits like washing your face, drinking morning tea, brushing your teeth, and so on. Those actions can act as reminders for new health habits. For example, "After I drink my

  morning tea, I meditate for 60 seconds."

In the second list, write down the things that happen to you each day...

• You stop at a red light.
• You get a text message.
• A commercial comes on TV.
• A song ends.
• The sun sets.

These events can also act as triggers for your new habit. For example, if you wanted to "When a commercial comes on TV, I do five pushups."

With these two lists, you'll have a wide range of things that you already do and already respond to each day. Those are the perfect reminders for new habits.

For example, let's say you want to feel happier. Expressing gratitude is one proven way to boost happiness. Using the list above, you could pick the reminder "sit down for dinner" and use it as a cue to say one thing that you're grateful for today.

"When I sit down for dinner, I say one thing that I'm grateful for today."

That's the type of small behavior that could blossom into a more grateful outlook on life in general.